Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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