Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
