I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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