True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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