Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
