so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
