thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
