don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize