so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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