Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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