p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
