508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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