I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
