Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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