is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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