I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
