Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
