I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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