Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
