She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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