Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
