I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
