her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
