Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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