Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
