So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
