I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
