He kissed a someone with a penis
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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