Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
