I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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