no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
