Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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