My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
