Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
