omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
