awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
