The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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