jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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