I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
