Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
