I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
