i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
