he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
