I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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