in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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