i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
