pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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