I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
