My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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