at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
