So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
