Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
