I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
