I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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