I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
