he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
