her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
