my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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