I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
