woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
