I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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