So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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