i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize