i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
