I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
