Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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