Someone shit on the floor
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
