bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you win again, gameday.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
