I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
