haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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