i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
