Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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