True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
