yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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