you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
