you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
