you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
