ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
