im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
