She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
