Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
