Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
