Four minutes until I can fart!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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