She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
