you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
