you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
