I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
